Lomo Sueño

just right.

2012-01-21T18:42:00.000-08:00

Doing better.

Somehow talking to Mom can sometimes just set everything right.

Love you.

happy new year!

2011-12-31T19:21:00.001-08:00

Happy new year everyone!

life quixotic.

2011-12-28T18:01:00.001-08:00

Quixotic. I don't think I've ever found a word that more perfectly describes my persona. To be hopelessly romantic to the point of impracticality, yeah, that sounds about right. Its interesting, I sometimes wonder if everyone has such a heightened sense of self-awareness as I do. That is to say if I even know what I'm talking about in the first place, I could be completely off base with my personal psychoanalysis, but it's always seemed pretty accurate to me.

I'm an emotive person whose own psychological state depends greatly on the people around me. In other words, if I feel like they're reacting positively to some good-intentioned thing I do or say, I'm more likely to connect to them and feel comfortable around them. People can be so hard to read sometimes, however. With some people, I have a hard time telling whether or not they actually enjoy being around me. People who hide their emotions well are confusing to me, I can't figure them out, and that makes me nervous. My inferiority complex works in overdrive, worrying that I've done something to make them dislike me, or I haven't done enough to make them like me. In other words, I won't know where we stand in our relationship because I can't figure out whether you're happy or not (you being the royal you).

I don't know, psychoanalysis is interesting, but sometimes it also seems to me like all together a grand waste of time. Some of the information you spend hours trying to empirically infer about someone can be gained in seconds by simply talking to a person. Its yet another reason why I don't understand why human beings don't communicate their feelings more easily. It makes relationships- whether they be platonic, romantic or otherwise- much easier, and ultimately much happier. But for some reason, humans insist upon veiling their emotions, making them difficult for others to see. Nobody seems to wear their heart on their sleeve anymore, they insist on making those around them jump through hoops and dig deep to capture little essences of their personality; their true feelings. Its rather strange, and usually frustrating.

I always try to conduct myself with the utmost transparency. If I have a problem with someone, they'll know about it. I don't believe in acting nicely to someone I don't like or respect. I know some people say that that's just what you have to do in life, that being nice to someone you hate is a sign of maturity, not being fake. I can certainly understand that point of view, but I don't support it myself. I don't believe in the female stereotype of women being complicated because they won't reveal their feelings for people, that they're constantly playing coy and saying things they don't mean. No. I say what I want people to know, and act with true intentions and feelings un-perverted by social constructs and expectations. I'd rather have people close to me know how I really feel about them; have our relationships built upon truths, not lies.

The only thing I have to hope for is that there are people out there who feel the same way, and not just a world full of malcontents who exploit me for putting my true self out there in the milieu.

tis the season.

2011-12-23T21:26:00.000-08:00

doctor domination.

2011-12-23T21:20:00.000-08:00

Bazinga!

winter's at the door.

2011-12-23T21:15:00.001-08:00

maybe.

2011-12-23T21:13:00.000-08:00

I really want to get this. Not inked, just raised. With maybe a ∞ instead of the word, and all on one wrist.

warm.

2011-12-23T21:10:00.001-08:00

Holmesian

2011-12-23T20:55:00.001-08:00

its cold out here alone.

2011-12-09T18:19:00.001-08:00

Current sentiment:

ruse.

2011-12-05T13:21:00.001-08:00

“Art is the lie that enables us to realize the truth.”

-Pablo Picasso

Thanks.

2011-12-04T23:17:00.001-08:00

Worries allayed, confidence renewed, hope rekindled; looking to the future.

soppy and confused.

2011-12-04T20:37:00.001-08:00

Wracked by a severe lack in self-confidence lately...I wish I had more experience to tell if I should be worried about things or not...but I honestly don't know. All that I should be worrying about right now are finals, but instead I'm stuck thinking about whether or not I should say something, whether or not I'm just another tool in someone's plan. I don't want to be an object tossed aside, I want to be something special. I just cant tell if I mean that much to you, and I don't know how to figure it out....

hard to follow.

2011-11-28T20:10:00.001-08:00

The world is such a great big place with so many possibilities. It irritates me sometimes that I'm tied to this place, this life, these social constructs (always and anthropologist) and cultural responsibilities. I've always been that person that refused to do something simply because everyone else was doing it...like wearing pink...or underage drinking...or talking to boys...well, maybe that was just due to the fact that I'm an awkward mess sometimes. I didn't have a whole lot of self confidence growing up, I spent a lot of time questioning myself, whether I was 'legit' enough to do something. To make matters worse, I didn't want to do something unless I was sure I was the best at it, like skiing, or running, or ceramics...I was always the perfectionist.

So yeah, a perfectionist who lacks the confidence in herself to do something perfectly.
I always wanted other people to look at me and think, 'wow, she's totally cool!' because I was great at something. Maybe I still want that a little bit.

I get sick and tired sometimes of guessing what people are thinking, what their motives are. Why can't people talk about shit? Is it a funny human game we play? Making others guess what we're thinking? Hiding our motivations beneath false leads, lies and make believe? I don't think highly enough of myself to every guess optimistically. Somehow, in my plans for the future, I'm always the underdog, the odd man out, the one who gets forgotten or used...I think I just continuously plan pity parties for myself whenever I consider the future.

Goal for next semester: kick that habit in the ass.

Thanks for following my rant that started with wanderlust and ended with introspection. <3

stay with me.

2011-11-28T20:09:00.001-08:00

tu mariposa callada

2011-11-27T20:08:00.001-08:00

"Quisiera ser mariposa con alitas de algodón, para entrar en tu pecho y robarte el corazón."

unknown.

2011-11-20T21:36:00.001-08:00

“The bridge will only take you halfway there, to those mysterious lands you long to see. Through gypsy camps and swirling Arab fair, and moonlit woods where unicorns run free. So come and walk awhile with me and share the twisting trails and wondrous worlds I’ve known. But this bridge will only take you halfway there. The last few steps you have to take alone.”

– Shel Silverstein

my life is a herp derp.

2011-11-18T20:59:00.001-08:00

Awkies.

I listen to dubstep now. Dubstep's cool.

2011-11-16T08:30:00.001-08:00

introspection.

2011-11-16T08:25:00.001-08:00

“In periods of rapid personal change, we pass through life as though we are spell-cast. We speak in sentences that end before finishing. We sleep heavily because we need to ask so many questions as we dream alone. We bump into others and feel bashful at recognizing souls so similar to ourselves.”

- Douglas Coupland

New York, series 2

2011-11-16T08:13:00.001-08:00

New York, series 1

2011-11-16T07:59:00.001-08:00

I spent last weekend in New York City for the Humanities Scholars Program, sponsored by CMU. While the trip itself was a bit of a clusterfuck (read: major clusterfuck),

I got some great shots out of it.

Enjoy my vintage-hipster filters and photoshoppage.

2011-11-15T21:28:00.001-08:00

oblivion.

2011-11-09T05:38:00.001-08:00

“For my part I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of the stars makes me dream.”

- Vincent Van Gogh

high-functioning archaeology

2011-11-07T14:11:00.000-08:00

I LOVE MYSTERIES AND OLD STUFF.

THERE'S NO DENYING IT, I'M CRAZY FOR UNSOLVED MYSTERIES, ANCIENT CULTURES AND DECAYING MODERN UTOPIAS.

LETS EXPLORE THE UNDERWORLD~

take me on an adventure.

2011-11-06T15:18:00.000-08:00

mindless metacognition.

2011-11-03T08:56:00.000-07:00

Well, I realized the other day that I really havent waxed philosophical about anything on here for a while, and I'm sure you all have missed that terribly. So much sarcasm. Irregardless, a girl's got to do something to make her feel brilliant every once in a while, so lets get along with the posting shall we?

I know my blog is famous for complaining; my twitter too, if you're interested. The majority of my posts are either hipster photos or incoherent drivel about how terrible my life seems to be. I think I'm going to try something different today, if I can stay awake long enough to write it. Prepare for an idea-vomit of epic, unprecedented proportions.

My brain's been awash with a veritable milieu of things these days; troublesome things, introspective things, imaginative things and confusing things. At times, I'll be focused on a task or conversation and my mind just decides to flutter off on some imagined tangent that has absolutely no connection to what I'm talking about. However cliche that sounds, sometimes I have a hard time remembering if that was what I was having a conversation about or not. I'm going to just underpin this emerging tendency with my severe lack of sleep as of late, but still...does that happen to normal people? Oh the things I can think.

I've been recently motivated to try to delve deeper into my real interests this semester. I want to intently focus on my classes, the readings, the topics, the lectures etcetera etcetera. Problem is, when I actually sit down to do it, I can suddenly think of 8 million other things that I would rather be doing. Can I major in laziness and procrastination? I worry though that its not just laziness...that perhaps I haven't really been studying what really interests me. Maybe its too romantic to believe that if I find the field that I'm meant to study, I'll leap at it voraciously and study absolutely everything I can about it. Truth is, I haven't found that quite yet...unless its my genetic tendency to just be a lazy fuck.

I'm actually really interested in the possible career choices that follow with what I'm majoring in, but the courses themselves are incredibly dull. While I can bullshit with the best of them, I often worry that I'm not really gaining all the information I could be from my classes. I'll try to be super interested in them, really do the readings and take notes...but that only lasts a day or two at most. Maybe I'm just too burnt out for this stuff. Although taking 5 history courses at the same time is probably more detrimental than inspiring at this point. Maybe throwing in some business next semester will make things a little more engaging for me, gotta hope right?

happy halloween.

2011-10-31T08:09:00.001-07:00

glorious halloween.

2011-10-28T08:26:00.000-07:00

It's the soft orange hues, the blood red hues. The crisp wispy air. The perfect chill that makes snuggling under a blanket just THAT much more enjoyable. The pumpkins. The corn. The crispy leaves. The costumes. The CREATIONS! It's mysterious, full of fright, full of family memories, and full of annual apple picking. Jack-o-lanterns. Black cats. Witches. Candy. Hay-rides. Haunted houses. Seriously, can someone name me a month and corresponding-happenings that could ever possibly beat this?!

I've done some serious research on a subject vitally important at this time. I'm referring to my research on pumpkin carving. Its something I seriously miss being away at school, carving a fake foam pumpkin just doesnt compare. We also don't have anywhere to display out little works of art, which is such a bummer. I grew up in a neighborhood with tons of kids and TONS of trick-or-treaters, so being unable to 'deck the halls' for my favorite holiday (not joking, totally serious) is pretty lousy.

Who came up with this idea of pumpkin-stacking? Flippin' genius. Two pumpkins stacked, stars carved, and a lovely winding creepy black tree is painted on to bind the pieces together. Love. I'm also newly obsessed with white pumpkins. So mod, so Martha Stewart. Her Halloween aesthetic is possibly the only thing I can appreciate about that woman...every Halloween issue of Martha Stewart Living is like a treasure trove of tasteful decorating ideas.

stunned.

2011-10-27T22:16:00.000-07:00

Had me lollin' all afternoon.

ALL OF IT.

believe your eyes.

2011-10-27T22:14:00.001-07:00

Its another hipster picture post.

so that's what it means.

2011-10-26T18:39:00.001-07:00

because you're mine.

2011-10-24T19:06:00.000-07:00

Brought my D3100 out today. It hasn't seen much action recently, and the light was just so nice this afternoon, I decided to give it a go. The above shot only spent a little time in photoshop for retro-color enhancement...It makes a great desktop.
If you take it, please give credit.
<3

timey wimey

2011-10-24T08:54:00.001-07:00

the howling

2011-10-22T22:50:00.000-07:00

The cold draws near, as Hallowe'en advances ever closer.

thanks.

2011-10-22T22:32:00.003-07:00

I've never thought about it that way before.

SO SOON.

2011-10-22T22:32:00.001-07:00

HALLOWEEN IS ALMOST HERE! I hope everyone's gearing up for the big day, I'm SUPER PUMPED.

I've been so busy with midterms over the past two weeks that I haven't been able to get out and take any good fall pictures :( Maybe sometime this week while I'm working on setting up for the Halloween horse show at my farm.

Fall break is the shit. I know we only get one extra day, but it really is SO nice.

Going back on monday's gonna be a bitch.

xoxoxo

nimbus.

2011-10-17T19:33:00.000-07:00

“The world is but a canvas to our imaginations.”

- Henry David Thoreau

fiesta time.

2011-10-17T18:15:00.001-07:00

Happy birthday McLain Ward!

nerd steez

2011-10-16T19:53:00.000-07:00

Just hooked myself up with 6 issues of Archaeology magazine. Needless to say I'm pretty pumped.
I got really sad when I found out that there aren't any good paper anthro zines in circulation, everything seems to be on the interwebs these days. While its convenient and all, for me nothing beats a good old-fashioned issue of Nat Geo or the Smithsonian.

I just love the smell of old books. I checked out a HUGE art history book for my History of American Urban Life term project a few weeks ago, it's BEAUTIFUL, everything about it is spectacular...I don't want to give it back! Maybe I just love old-fashioned things, film cameras, books, sewing and sketching...the sweet smell of nostalgia just can't be beat.

So I've recently been inspired to embrace my own nerdy-ness. Its actually remarkably liberating; I can act like Temperance Brennan now if I want to (ok, maybe not THAT liberating), and wage nerf-wars on the weekends... its absolutely excellent! Maybe if I have some free time (unlikley), I'll break out my Oxford Companion to Archaeology again...its currently serving as a lamp-holder on my desk...oops. LETS ATTACK THIS MAYAN HISTORY EXAM TOMORROW!

inner lightness.

2011-10-16T13:04:00.000-07:00

Ahahahahaha,

Happy stomach butterfies.

Mas secretos, si quieres saberlos.

2011-10-13T21:24:00.000-07:00

21- I LOVE DOCTOR WHO. (Again, its super important)
22- I hate real doctors. I'm terrified of dentists.
23- I never got really nice senior pictures, and I kind of regret it.
24- Favorite play: Cyrano de Bergerac. Favorite musical: Evita. Favorite opera: Tosca. Favorite ballet: Giselle
25- I love sweet tea, maybe I'm a southern gal at heart.
26- I have an aversion to flat places. I really have no desire to visit any state between the Appalachians and the Rockies because I don't think anything interesting could exist in an area so flat.
27- I think the act of smoking is credibly hot...just not the cancer-causing smelling-like-shit part, that's disgusting and incredibly unattractive.
28- Guilty pleasure song: "Mitternacht" by E Nomine. I know all the lyrics. Yeah, middle school days. (Trust me, its a little scary...kind of contrary to my current personality in all respects, but it still holds a place in my heart <3 )
29- My grandfather invented those little orange pennant flags on sticks that little kids put on the backs of their bikes.
30-I am a hipster. Now stop, hating is bad.

31-I love the names Indiana, Adelaide, Ariadne, Esperanza and Avery for girls...Names beginning with vowels = trending!
32- It is more than probable that if it is strawberry flavored, I will eat it.
33- I love skiercross, if they offered it in my local collegiate ski region as a valid event, I would do it in a heartbeat.
34- I used to be a pretty science-y minded person. I loved the time I got to spend out at the Teton Science School in Wyoming (twice!) I would definitely take a job there if given the offer, I don't care what for, but I would do it without thinking twice.
35- I really want to go on an archaeological dig, but I'm not sure how to go about doing that...EarthWatch offers a dig in Angkor Wat!...in February. Shit.
36- I love school, but I hate the work. Maybe that's why I feel so dissatisfied with college. I love taking the classes but hate the essays and reading assignments.
37- Every day I wish I was in a movie, or my life was just a little more interesting. Maybe I'm secretly waiting for a mad man in a blue box that's bigger on the inside to whisk me away to explore all of time and space with him.Wishful thinking.
38- I'm a photographer, cermacist and graphic designer, but unfortunately CMU doesn't let me explore any of those things. Stupid art majors.
39-I used to want to be an architect when I grew up...still kind of want to.
40- I have to tuck in my duvet under my mattress so I don't fall out at night. Yes, I'm 4 years old.

Happy birthday, you dag you.

2011-10-12T08:41:00.000-07:00

Its Hugh Jackman's birthday today!

So much love!

there you are.

2011-10-10T23:07:00.000-07:00

"I am lonely, yet not everybody will do. I don’t know why, some people fill the gaps and others emphasize my loneliness." — Anaïs Nin

mark your calenders.

2011-10-09T18:54:00.000-07:00

I believe in every breath you take.

2011-10-08T18:33:00.001-07:00

I want to travel. Take me outside.

en seguida, algunos secretos.

2011-10-04T23:30:00.000-07:00

1- I'm a terrible liar. Lucky you.

2- I absolutely love rabbits. Buy me a bunny and I will love you forever and ever and ever.

3- My favorite time of day is in the mid-late afternoon, when the light's soft and perfect.

4-I'd love to learn how to drive rally car. Correspondingly, I love to drive fast. Maybe I'll take a lesson sometime.

5- I love fashion, but have resigned myself to the fact that I don't have the frame to wear any of it.

6- I love Doctor Who, I'm kind of a geek for it.

7-I love driving at night, just driving, not necessarily going anywhere.

8-I'm pretty old fashioned, in almost every way.

9- I love snuggles. Love love love snuggles.

10- I love foreign people. Australians, Spaniards....everybody seems more interesting and attractive than Americans.

11- I'm an exponentially lazy person in terms of work and social interaction. I would rather watch a movie than go to a party.

12- A book I could read over and over again: Cyrano de Bergerac by Edmond Rostand, translated by Burgess.

13- I get extraordinarily disappointed when I wake up and find out it was only a really amazing dream.

14- I believed in fairies as a little kid. I built them huge houses out of sticks and leaves in my backyard.

15- I still love my stuffed animals. Probably traces back to my love of snuggling. Love love.

16- I had never worn make up to class/school/out and about until this year.

17- I'm asthmatic, so even if pot weren't illegal, (which it is), I wouldn't smoke it anyway. sXe solidarity.

18- Along with lapping the Nurburgring, skydiving and summer skiing in Portillo, going to the Burning Man Festival and Austin City Limits also make the list.

19- I'm well trained in wilderness survival and s'more making. Couldn't decide which one was more important.

20- I'm an animistic atheist, or something like that. I judge people who are too religious. (Sorry)

Руссиан Даы!

2011-10-03T17:50:00.000-07:00

шелцоме то ломо суено, тчис ис мы блог.

ижм тыпинг ин Руссиан, претты цоол еч?

чачача, мега брошние поинтс иф ыоу цан реад тчис!

Its pretty damn cold. I don't like it.

I wouldn't do well in Russia.

yes, but then again.

2011-09-28T21:32:00.000-07:00

weepie love.

2011-09-28T21:25:00.000-07:00

When I was a child everybody smiled, nobody knows me at all. Very late at night and in the morning light, nobody knows me at all

Now I got lots of friends, yes, but then again, nobody knows me at all. Kids and a wife, it's a beautiful life, nobody knows me at all

I don't give a damn, I'm happy as a clam, nobody knows me at all. Ah, what can you do? There's nobody like you. Nobody knows me at all

They travel with a constant companion, autumn.

2011-09-27T21:04:00.000-07:00

My window next to my desk is open. Its pretty hot in my room, and it helps let the cold air in.

Outside, its cool, about 60 degrees. That smell of fall is finally in the air. That mix of crunchy leaves, smoke, and cold. I love it.

Autumn in Western Pennsylvania is a special thing. Its a season of gorgeous reds, oranges and yellows, abandoned barns and split rail fences, snow teasing the air on a Sunday mornings, over-sized scarves and finger-less gloves, wild curly hair, bonfires, and that supernatural feeling that the ground you walk on is older than it seems. For some reason, I think you can really feel the history of the land in the fall. Its the only season in which I can picture log cabins and settlers living here. The season just makes the land seem old, like it has so many stories that it can't tell.

One of my favorite horror movies is "The Mothman Prophecies". I love it because it was shot in Pittsburgh and the surrounding area (Kitanning PA) during the fall, probably November. You can just feel the cold in the film; the trees are bare and the whole mystery of the plot line seems to descend upon the landscape, mystifying it. That's how I see fall. Its really hard to describe, but it truly is a glorious, mysterious time of year.

Its the season where all the land's forgotten spirits come out to play. It gives the land a sense of gravity, yet it's not tense or stifling. You feel as though you're moving through a landscape that is hiding many secrets, that truly has wisdom in its years. Its a very grounding, yet enlightening experience. I love walking through the woods by myself in the fall. You should try it sometime. You just have to let the season reveal to you what it wishes.

"Autumn is a second spring when every leaf is a flower."
-Albert Camus

Devil's Spoke.

2011-09-27T19:27:00.000-07:00

This is absolutely fantastic.
Its a collab between Mumford & Sons, Laura Marling and The Dharohar Project...absolutely fantastic! While I love Mumford & Sons live, I think Laura sounds a little better on the iTunes version, but they are both PHENOMENAL. Watch Marcus' face throughout the video, he looks like he's having SO much fun! CUTIE.

roll down the window.

2011-09-27T17:33:00.000-07:00

“What bothers me today is the lack of, well, I guess you’d call it authentic experience. So much is a sham. So much is artificial, synthetic, watered-down, and standardized.”

“Information gathered from daily newspapers, soap operas, sales conferences, and coffee cafes is inferior to the information gathered from sunlight.”

-Tom Robbins

Dear middle aged women with nothing better to do than gossip about my horses, my family and my riding:

2011-09-24T18:06:00.000-07:00

I'm tired of rumors starting,

I'm sick of being followed,

I'm tired of people lying,

saying what they want about me,

Why can't they back up off me,

why can't they let me live?

I'm gonna do it my way,

take this for just what it is.

Seriously people, this is getting ridiculous.

STAY OUT OF MY BUSINESS.

What my family and I do is none of your concern.

You're adults, stop acting like gossiping pre-teens, its SO immature and has absolutely destroyed any scrap of respect I had for you.

You're seriously screwed up.

Sincerely,

#BarnDrama
#FlipATable
#DearBlankPleaseBlank

dark road to nowhere.

2011-09-23T20:33:00.001-07:00

Fall: a wolf at the door

2011-09-23T12:42:00.000-07:00

Enjoy some colour.

been too long.

2011-09-22T22:46:00.000-07:00

Wow, its been an entire week. Well, give or take a day or two.

I hope everyone is surviving well. Its been getting a little hectic around CMU lately.

But I guess thats just how it goes.

Did I mention I got a ukulele? Its nothing fancy, nice dark wood...I named her Mali'e; meaning 'calmness' in Hawaiian. I can play Three Blind Mice! I'm working on some strumming now...I learned the main chords to 'Soul Sister' by Train this afternoon instead of writing an essay on Xibalba for my Mayan America class.

Decent trade off.

Another big horse show this weekend, so I'm not sure how much I'm going to be able to get on.

Started work on my Halloween costume for my horse and I! Pictures to come :)

I'm kind of excited for fall, its such a cool time of year in Western PA.

Time to spend Saturdays trail riding, drinking tea and watching The Mothman Prophecies

Excellent fall schedule. Maybe I can throw in some school too, but its not looking too likely

If only the weather would stay warm.

#wishfulthinking

hellobeautiful.

2011-09-17T07:04:00.001-07:00

This movie looks SICK!

#ryangosling

shaddap.

2011-09-14T07:49:00.001-07:00

This is pretty much the story of my life.

KIDS THESE DAYS WITH THEIR PROBLEMS AND SHIT.

a softer world.

2011-09-13T20:52:00.000-07:00

I'm maddeningly passive aggressive.

Does that make sense?

Daily #NerdSpawn

2011-09-12T21:10:00.000-07:00

Well, how was your monday? Survive?

Me too.

Bringing you your favorite entry of the week:

CMU NERD UPDATE.

[side note of nerd excitement]

This is how you write my birthday in the Mayan Long Count! How cool is that!

I was born on 12.18.18.17.15,
yeah, pretty sweet.
Over on the left is how you would carve it into a giant stone stele dedicated to my awesome.
( Ideas for Christmas presents anyone?)

Try not to be jellies of my amazing nerd-dom.

#humanitiesmajor

To do your own go here!

ten years of war.

2011-09-11T15:22:00.000-07:00

"Like a ship pulling away from shore, time brings distance to all events. No pain is as fresh ten or twenty years later as on the day it happened. The shock of the impossible becomes the new normal and then it becomes more background noise.

'A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic,' said Joseph Stalin. This is something that the statisticians in Berlin, Moscow, Tehran and Riyadh know quite well when they count up their numbers. But compound death is not a statistic, it is incomprehensible. The banality of the media coverage of September 11 reveals the struggle of grappling with a story too big to tell."

___________________________________________________

Looking back now, my post on the 9/11 documentary I wrote last January seems so trite and poorly written. While I don't like long-winded, hackneyed posts that try to somehow reach deep into the emotional core of the reader, I can't let the 10 year anniversary of 9/11 pass without note; not after the documentary I saw last semester. 9/11 won't be forgotten, it can't be forgotten. It is an unmovable point in time when the entire country, and almost the entire world, held their breath in agony. It defined the nation- nay- defined the culture I grew up in, and because of that will forever be inseparable from my thoughts and actions on a subconscious level. In the same vein, it is an event that changed the nation, and by doing so, changed the world.

___________________________________________________

“Where were you when the planes hit,” is an attempt to orient us in time. But the question is mostly insignificant, an attempt to make the impossible seem real. The businessman covered in ash and stumbling over the Brooklyn Bridge and the Seattle housewife waking up to see news coverage of it on television are more human fragments of a thing that is more than human. War.

War fragments perspectives, and though we have grown used to formal stories of war which began with a legal declaration of war and end with a surrender, these things have as little to do with war as a coroner’s statement has to do with death. The laws of war, the treaties and the formalities are ways that human civilization attempts to make the wild force of human nature into a manageable thing...

In the real world outside the dinner parties of Washington D.C. and Brussels, there are no laws in war."

___________________________________________________

And it is this, over everything else, that we have definitive learned over the past 10 years. This thought embodies most powerful realization we have come away with after 9/11, and the way we interact with the world has not been the same since, and never ever will be again.

life's a great controversy.

2011-09-09T17:52:00.001-07:00

Thanks, Bill!

2011-09-07T18:59:00.000-07:00

So some bloke donated $265 million dollars to CMU today.

What do we do?

Give a bunch of free stuff to everyone, invite Guster over for a concert and have a wicked ass firework show.

Yeah, nerd swag.

Don't spend it all in one place now.

oh the humanities.

2011-09-07T08:02:00.000-07:00

I hate academia.

#fuckyeahanthropologymajorfox

I'll wait for you.

2011-09-06T17:50:00.000-07:00

here we go.

2011-09-05T23:29:00.000-07:00

I'm not really sure where I'm going right now, but I think if I just let things roll, I'll end up okay.

The less I think about it, the more I seem to get done.

I did spend all day today wallowing in my own self pity, sickness and sleepiness, so it seems only apropros that I actually give myself a kick in the pants before the week starts.

Sometimes work is the best mind-clearer.

I'm trying not to over analyze why things have happened and think about all 8 billion consequences and imaginative interpretations of things I've done lately. I'm not living to supply gossip for facebook.

Lets just all chill about it, eh?

shit out of luck.

2011-09-05T00:49:00.000-07:00

Sometimes it seems like I can never win.

I think the karmic world has something against anything ever working out in my favor. I always get the short end of the stick.

The people around me are always winning, things never go wrong for them. Any of life's good things that were destined for my basket get re-directed to someone else's. Its not fair, and I'm sick of it.

Time to bail.

things to remember.

2011-09-03T19:00:00.001-07:00

“there are better things ahead than any we leave behind.”

- c.s. lewis

inner peace.

2011-09-03T18:36:00.000-07:00

Its been a decent week back to school, nothing outstanding amazing has happened, but I actually enjoy being on campus this year; a fantastic improvement from last year.

My courses are at least mildly interesting, which is a bonus too.

Barn people are a little ridiculous these days.

Its actually really nice to be older than everyone, I'm so above all that bullshit.

-Utterly deceptive twaddlespeak says I-

I've got a super secret birthday dinner on Sunday with some friends, I'm SO excited! Got a super super cute new dress from UO the other day, and a new pair of heels from Nordstroms that I can't wait to wear! :)

#Somaterial.

xoxo

pandora.

2011-08-30T16:17:00.000-07:00

Nothing mixes with quiet evenings studying better than cool jazz. I made an account with Pandora radio this week; one of the best things I've done in a while! I don't listen to jazz enough to buy a shit ton of it, but I love to listen to it when I study because there aren't any vocals.

Dave Brubeck and the history of American urban life: what a pair.

Dorm pictures to come soon I guess, I got a pretty nice one this year! (that would be why I've been so quiet lately, first two days of class are hella busy) Hope you're all well though, hold on to the rest of summer while you can!

love.

xoxo

move in.

2011-08-25T20:57:00.000-07:00

"Don't panic."

-Douglas Adams

dream.

2011-08-21T18:47:00.000-07:00

I'm at the beach for the week. Bye.

truth.

2011-08-17T19:43:00.000-07:00

we are serious.

2011-08-17T19:29:00.001-07:00

I'm too old for this middle school bullshit.

I'll stay over here in grown-up land, thanks.

[probably the first time I've ever been happy about being old]

live and learn.

2011-08-15T18:40:00.000-07:00

Fun fact: I don't hide my emotions well. If I love you, you'll know it. If I don't like you, its usually pretty clear. I don't do it to be aggressive (its not really under my control anyway), I do it to avoid being a fake, two faced person who thinks one thing and says another. Don't take it personally (well, maybe you can), its just how I operate. You can at least be happy that I'm not hiding my true feelings about you behind some facade of fake emotions.

I'm always loyal to myself. Its called integrity, and some people could use a bit more of it.

speak now.

2011-08-14T23:10:00.001-07:00

I am not fake. I am only human.

traders point hunt.

2011-08-14T15:09:00.000-07:00

A successful week in Indiana!

Love my boys!

dog days.

2011-08-08T14:46:00.000-07:00

decisions.

2011-08-08T14:36:00.001-07:00

I wish people would just be straight with me.

I always try to do the same, is it really that hard?

I hate it when people lead you but only as a means to an end.

If you hate me, hate me; don't smother it with false friendship.

If you're saying nasty things about me to someone else, out with it.

I just want the truth. I hate trying to guess what everyone is thinking.

People say girls are complicated but honestly, I just want people to be honest with me.

At least, I always try to be.

http://www.formspring.me/SLads

ketchikan, ak

2011-08-08T07:09:00.000-07:00

eh.

2011-08-06T18:18:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I don't think I'll ever understand why people do the things they do.

cool places on the daily #1

2011-08-04T20:06:00.000-07:00

Here's your first installment of 'cool places on the daily' and your 'nerd spawn mind freak' all jammed into one awesome post, bow chicka wow wow.

I SO wish I could do this...but I'm way too scared of diving in caves, almost unnecessarily so.

This particular cave is a blue hole, similar to a cenote called the Sawmill Sink, in the Bahamas. Nat Geo published a very cool article about the pre-human fossils contained in it, and the ridciulous amount of diving paleontologists have to do to access them. Check it outtt

I'm actually fascinated by caves, they're absolutely gorgeous...

...and crazy dangerous. Colored anaerobic bacteria flourish in the anoxic water above the colorless layer of hydrogen sulfide; a dangrous compound that is much denser than water so it stays at the bottom of deep cave pools and creates its own river. However, it's the same highly toxic compound found in the bottoms of abandoned mine shafts...it can kill a person in minutes, but because it contains no carbon dioxide, it doesn't create that 'strangling' lack of breath response when inhaled and most people are caught unaware. SCARY SHIT YO.

Then, of course, there's always the prospect of getting lost in the cave, using up all your oxygen and drowning. But honestly, I love caves, even underwater ones. They're gorgeous and studying them offers up peeks into the past that NO ONE else has ever seen before, I mean, the stuff buried down there is out of control! Plus, I love the science behind them; the geology and hydrology of their formations, chemoclines and anoxic layering fascinates me. I kind of wish I could just study awesome stuff for a living, how sweet would that be?!

endless summer.

2011-08-04T08:21:00.000-07:00

We had visitors from Singapore and Laos on the blog this week! How amazing is that!? The internet is a pretty amazing place every once in a while!

agosto.

2011-08-01T07:53:00.000-07:00

Create a playlist at MixPod.com

wrangell, ak

2011-07-31T15:35:00.000-07:00

gentlemen.

2011-07-29T12:04:00.000-07:00

I absolutely love my little boys, I'm not sure where I would be without them. They're both just so special, and I'm so excited that Dos has finally come back from his hock injury well enough to start jumping 3' again- I think he and Amatie have quite the compeititon going <3.

Not sure what I would do without you boys, you really do complete me and I'll never ever forget it.

one in the same.

2011-07-29T11:29:00.000-07:00

“I want to be able to sleep in an open field, to travel west, to walk freely at night…” – Sylvia Plath

kodiak, ak.

2011-07-27T21:49:00.000-07:00

soap box.

2011-07-25T20:26:00.000-07:00

So I probably shouldnt be bothered by the fact that nobody likes my statuses on facebook, but try to tell me it isnt some kind of "approval" when you have people like your updates? I mean, don't you always pity the person who updates their status and nobody likes it? Its kind of a "aw, that poor fuck REALLY must not have any friends" moment, especially because generally speaking, more people interact with you on facebook than would normally. You know you're not doing well when not even anyone on facebook will even like your stuff.

(lulz my life).

I don't know. I'm seriously thinking about shutting down my facebook. It would certainly give me less things to worry about...always maintaining an 'image', always double thinking about what you post because you know half the people you're friends with only added you

so they can stalk your stuff...I mean, right now I really only use it to upload photos from my horse shows and trips...and honestly, those are only updated to show off (I know, I'll admit I'm guilty of it too).

I don't know, I guess I'm just not in a good place right now. I'm feeling pretty isolated for a few reasons...the main one being kind of a big problem for me but not necessarily something I can address. Knowing something you're not supposed to know can really destroy your opinion of someone, especially someone close. Damn, its just one big pity party for me lately, isn't it?

Well, on the upside, I had a fantastic day of shopping down at the beach today. I absolutely LOVE the surf shops down here, Billabong, Oneill, RVCA and Volcom have always made up a huge part of my wardrobe, and the pendelton-like indian patterns are HUGE this year, which just makes me love their pieces even more. I also got the CUTEST pair of cream/black saddle shoes from Bass today. They're part of the Rachel Antonoff collection and boy are they adorable!

Photos to come, if I get the chance.

Oh, and I also just found myself googling 'how much does it cost to ship a horse from the US to Australia'...is it that bad I'm thinking about running away with my horse? Oh dear, I MUST be getting desperate. Maybe things will change soon. There's always hope!

GO SCHLECK GO!

2011-07-22T09:02:00.000-07:00

ANDY SCHLECK FINALLY HAS THE YELLOW JERSEY!

All is right in the cycling world when the man who was so cruelly cheated out of his Tour win last year beats Contador to the yellow!

GO ANDY GO!

(Look at how cute he is with his hair sticking up under his helmet!!! All while kicking Contador's ass. WE LOVE YOU ANDY!)

departure.

2011-07-20T19:56:00.000-07:00

I just realized I can count my close friends on one hand, and I'm using the term 'close' very loosely.

PITY PARTY.

ALSO:

I'm leaving for the Outer Banks for a week tomorrow, so I *should* be able to update but no guarantees. Enjoy my pity party while I try to make some sense of my life on the beach.

for me. for you.

2011-07-19T20:08:00.000-07:00

hubbard glacier, ak

2011-07-19T19:43:00.000-07:00

2011-07-19T07:51:00.000-07:00

in need of a vacay.

2011-07-14T18:07:00.000-07:00

Srsly.

thug lyfe.

2011-07-14T17:52:00.001-07:00

Its terrible.

How do you know--when a person is saying nasty things about you to another person--if they mean it? Such a 1st grade question, but then again, I'm pretty socially inept.

COLLEGE LYFE.

hoonah, ak.

2011-07-12T18:49:00.001-07:00

the people.

2011-07-11T21:22:00.000-07:00

always.

2011-07-09T20:28:00.000-07:00

Today I learned something very important.

You can't rely on other people for anything. In all honesty, the only person you can count on in the end is yourself. People never do what you think they'll do, what you expect them to do or what you want them to do; and more often than not they leave you high and dry with nothing but wasted time.

And so we become self-sufficient.